For too many years sex remained hush-hush for me. Growing up in small town, Middle America, sexual openness was not encouraged. My mother was not liberated and turned red at the mere mention of sex. My early sex education came from whispered girl talk and later from my boyfriend in the backseat of his car. Considering that he was also a virgin, we learned by trial and error—groping in the dark. Of course, that came with the price of tremendous guilt. But my greatest hurdle came from the intensity of my sexual desires. They scared me to death. I feared if I didn’t learn to control my libido, it would ultimately destroy me.

My early environment taught me that sex is dirty. I turned to religion in an attempt to suppress my desires. That only compounded my inhibitions and misconceptions. I couldn’t enjoy my husband for fear that I would get out-of-control. But the suppression took its toil resulting in obsession. The more I tried to escape it, the more I wanted it. I turned to Internet porn to satisfy my cravings, leading a double-life.

I discovered an interactive nude model web site. I could view and chat with live men and women, fully exposed. I made friends with these men and women and with other viewers in the chat rooms.

Excerpt from my novel, Playgirl:
“It was more like morning coffee hour than porn. The crew that met there each morning shared our lives and our worries. Sometimes, we’d even share prayer requests. I can remember my shock the first time Deb asked us to pray for her son’s asthma. Pray? We’re going to pray at the porno site? These people are mixed up! But, since then I’ve realized I was the one who was mixed up. Deb had learned to incorporate the spiritual into the real.

“Before I fell off the Rock (how I refer to my discovery of porn), I judged and looked down my nose at everyone who didn’t believe what I believed. I believed whatever the church told me to believe. I would have thought that anyone who undressed in front of a camera for others to view was scum of the earth. Instead, I’ve discovered sensitive and caring young men trying to survive. I thought anyone who would look at porn to be lowlife, but I’ve discovered kind and goodhearted men and women with families, jobs, and problems just like everyone else.

“Sometimes, I wonder if it was God’s will that I found the playgirl site. Since sexual promiscuity was my greatest temptation, it was my greatest condemnation. Was allowing me to fall into the very pit I denounced the only way to reveal to me, for you who judge practice the same things?”

The friends I made in the chat rooms opened my eyes, my mind and my heart. I learned to accept and love others. I learned to love and accept myself, including my sexuality. This was the beginning of my sexual journey. Since then, it has been a process of continuing to learn about my body and my desires. I endorse and embrace my sexuality and respect the choices of others.

Reading and writing erotica is a tool for exploration and discovery. It has expanded my horizons and broadened my acceptance of people who have different preferences from mine. I strive to be an extraordinary lover and believe an open mind, exploration, experimentation and communication are key. “Great Lovers possess an attitude toward sex that is open and curious; they’re willing to learn something new about sex – always and forever. Not only that, they understand the power of their own sexuality, are willing to share it with their partners and will do whatever it takes to keep the flames of passion alive.” Dr. Mia Glanville

Accepting myself as a sexual being continues to be a journey. Discovering my desires and preferences exhilarates my senses and embellishes my relationship. Today, I celebrate my sexuality. I practice it, experience it, relish it and write it. I no longer think of it as dirty but glorious and beautiful. Sex expresses joy, love, connection, bonding, giving and receiving. It honors the Creator and exalts creation. It can build trust, open communication, end altercation, calm stress and/or seal commitment.

I Kissed a Girl: A Virgin Lesbian Anthology is a continuation of my journey of sexual discovery. Editing this anthology brought me intense pleasure. I was amazed at the quality of stories submitted. I was shocked at the level of heat and arousal the stories generated within me. But I slaved away, reading and editing these steamy encounters of women experiencing women for the first time. It was a very hot summer, and I loved every minute of it.

Please accept this invitation and join me on the journey.

Hugs,
Regina Perry
Journeys of Sexual Discovery