I’ve been pondering the concept of expectations for most of my life. As a child I came to the conclusion that if I expected nothing, I’d never be disappointed. Discovering the Law of Attraction as an adult, I learned if I expected nothing that would be exactly what I got. But could I totally trust the Law of Attraction? Did it come with guarantees? Did I dare risk disappointment?

Never coming to resolution, I’ve lived in expectation limbo for several years until I saw the movie, “Did You Hear About the Morgans” over Christmas break. The movie’s one redeeming quality is it reopened my contemplation. The Morgan’s are separated, considering divorce. Hugh Grant (I can never remember character’s names in movies) presents Sarah Jessica Parker with a book, authored by a psychologist, with the premise that marriages fail because spouses’ expectations are too high. During this meeting the Morgan’s accidentally witness a murder (NYC) and end up in the Witness Protection Program in some podunk town in Wyoming, living in the wilderness with Sam Elliot and Mary Steenburgen who have been married for at least twenty years. So the separated couple find themselves sharing a room in the middle of nowhere with Buffalo Bill and Annie Oakley. Tempers flare and arguments rage during which the book topic of no expectations is dissected, accused, threatened and forsaken. Sam and his wife are deprived of sleep during these blaring discussions. The climatic point comes when in frustration Sam Elliot turns to them and delivers a sanctimonious discourse (can’t you just hear that rich baritone, syrupy drawl?) on the secrets of a good marriage in which he ends by shouting, “And you expect everything!”

Really? Sounds dangerous to me. My personal history in relationships testifies my biggest mistakes revolve around expectations. And then I had an epiphany … maybe I was confusing presumption with expectation.

I realize it’s a fine line between presume and expect. And quite possibly it only exists in my mind. But it’s an important distinction to me and makes a difference in how I approach life and relationship. Presume falls into the category of “taking for granted,” “assuming rights” or “taking liberties.” Expect associates with the words “believe” and “hope.” In contemplating this, I’ve realized I view this with a positive spin. I suppose doomsayers could expect the worse. When I affirm, “Expect everything,” I’m expounding with a positive connotation.

Remembering my Biblical studies, Scripture makes similar distinctions. David prays, “Keep me back from presumptuous sins,” yet the reoccurring theme of the New Testament postulates the expectation of heaven.

And so, this is my new challenge: Presume nothing. Expect everything. I view relationship of primary importance and this is my focus. For example: I will not presume my lover to be, act, perform or think in any specific manner. I will expect him to love me, consider my point of view, take my considerations to heart and cherish my well-being. In other words, I will not presume he will return home from work, lay me across the kitchen table, rip off my clothes, flutter his tongue over, around and on my clit until I’m crying in ecstasy before climbing on top and impaling me repeatedly till kingdom comes. (Extremely challenging for a writer of erotica.) But I can expect him to charm, titillate, arouse, tantalize and satisfy me. In my mind, one difference is presume applies to specifics and expect pertains to generalities. I’m sure this will evolve with time and your comments. So bring them on. I challenge you … improve my relationships; enhance my life. ☺

Hugs,
Regina