I wrote my novel, Playgirl, in 1st person, present tense because much of it is autobiographical. Alena struggles with my issues, deliberates meaning of life the same way I do, anguishes over her choices in like manner. Like me, she felt like two people had been trapped inside her body her whole life.
Excerpt from Playgirl:
We can overcome if we really want to,” Tony insists, “but who says the Playgirl website is wrong? What’s wrong with looking at a beautiful man’s body? What’s wrong with the friends we’ve made at the site? Who’s getting hurt? It’s just good, clean fun, if you ask me.”
“Guess I’m not as clear about right and wrong.”
“How so?”
“All my life I’ve felt like two people were trapped inside my body. One pure, the other unclean; one a born-again Christian, the other a hedonist; one rich, the other poor; prude, nymphomaniac; wise, fool; conservative, liberal.  And on and on, you get the picture?”
“Oh, my poor baby.”
“I’ve spent most of my life trying to destroy the other half of me. Problem was … I was never sure which one I really was—which half I should destroy.”
“But Precious … you don’t want to destroy any part of you. You need to bring the two sides of you into harmony.”
I sit in silence, pondering how.

For years I strove to bring into harmony the two sides of me. I was making headway, accepting my sexuality and making peace with my beliefs and roles in life. Just when I finally came to grips with who I was, I published erotica under a nom de plume. (Like you hadn’t already guessed). Approaching the authentic life, I assumed the “double life.” I confess, this has set me back. But I’ve always believed the journey of self-discovery was three steps forward, two steps back. And sometimes, that involves four or five steps back, and then I need to catch up, which I’ve been doing for most of 2009.

A turning point occurred in April at the Romantic Times Convention. For the first time I started identifying with Regina. I became Regina and was amazed by the liberation. Perhaps in this paradoxical world we live in: the only way to be truly me is to become someone else. The most astonishing evolution is taking place. Regina is teaching me to be me, to lose my inhibitions, care less about what other people think of me, take risks, live more fully, love more freely.

There are readers here who share in the pseudonym dilemma. I hope this helps. For others, I’m not suggesting you take on an assumed identity (although Facebook and Twitter allow you the freedom to do so). But I do recommend you write. Write anything that pops into your head. Write as if no one will ever read it. And then give yourself permission to change your mind. It might surprise you how good and profound your thoughts and writing are.

And I hope my experience will help others who struggle with knowing and being their true selves. Perhaps we might learn together to live in balanced harmony, not only with each other but also within ourselves.

Leave your comments and teach me. I’m open and eager to learn—embracing the journey.

Hugs,
Regina

By nature I’m a visual learner, so I also feel it’s excellent mental exercise, training my brain to concentrate audibly. Those books on my TBR list are now systematically being checked off.

Besides the IPhone and Blackberry, many other cell phones also have audio book capabilities. Or, you can download a book onto your computer media player and then burn a CD to play in your car.

If you haven’t taken advantage of the Ravenous Romance Audio Book section, check it out soon! Playgirl and many other titillating novels are available for your enjoyment.

Hugs,

Regina

Have any of you lived a strict, legalistic, and/or judgmental life? Did you at some point discover you couldn’t live up to the standard any longer? You will love Playgirl if you can identify.

Tell me your standards. Have you lived up to them? Did you give up? What was the trigger? Are you happier now?
Tell me.

Hugs,

Regina